Conflicted emotions!

I've mentioned on and off that my nephew is a shaken baby survivor. In May, it will be one year. This coming week his attacker goes to court for what he did. He was arrested this past week and released.

I'm so conflicted on how I feel. I want the man to pay for what he did. I do! My nephew suffered with seizures, brain bleeds, he is 17 months old and can only army crawl. He can't sit up and he can't walk. For a while, after the accident he was blind. I have a LOT of anger. I have anger that I was being blamed. I was his full time baby sitter but I hadn't watched him for over a week and hadn't even seen him. And the man who did it, tried to blame me. How dare he! How dare he try to ruin my life because he had a weak moment. He lived 2 houses up. Why wouldn't he have pounded on my door, called or whatever if he couldn't handle the little boy anymore? There was no excuse! None!

But the other emotion I have is sadness. The man has 3 little girls. They are going to be without their dad. And that saddens me because he has never hurt them. And now they are going to hurt, they are going to miss their dad. They are going to be the ones that suffer. I don't think the man meant to hurt him. But he did. Now he has to pay. And he has to hurt those little girls when he tells them WHY he is in jail.

My heart just hurts. It hurts for my nephew who will never be the same. It hurts for my SIL for the life she almost had, for the trust she put in this man. And it hurts for those precious girls who did nothing but still have to deal with this going public now and being embarrassed.

I don't think I can even explain the drama that this caused in our family. People no longer talk to each other. It's crazy!

But as bad as I feel, I just want it over. I want this part over. So everyone can shut up about it. So people aren't whispering about what is going on.

Sigh....soon. Maybe soon this part will be over. We will never forget what happened but maybe people can deal with this soon and stop talking like it just happened.